Does the Perfect Mentor Really Exist?
Twice a year, I send a survey out to members of my online community to gauge where they are in terms of their career development.
In a past survey, I asked the members what challenges they were facing with growing their career. Many of them wrote that they needed help finding a good mentor. I became intrigued. I wondered why these women believed that this "hard-to-find" person was hindering their career growth.
So it got me thinking. Early on in our careers, we were always told that we needed to have a good mentor in order to be successful. This mentor would be someone who has extensive experience in the industry we are seeking to enter.
Why is mentorship heavily recommended? Well, that’s because there are numerous benefits. Here are a few:
A mentor is someone who will be in your corner to guide you throughout your journey and offer you sound advice.
A mentor will be able to share with you their career experiences - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
A mentor can be there to offer you encouragement when you are feeling stuck or when you are dealing with a certain career-related issue.
A mentor is usually well connected, therefore this person can introduce you to people within their network.
A mentor is a mover and shaker. This is someone who you admire because they inspire you to be those things and so much more.
SAP SuccessFactors, analyzed 43 surveys related to the outcomes of career-focused mentorship. They found that employees who were mentored attained higher pay, received more promotions, and had greater career fulfillment than those who did not have mentors. In addition, these individuals felt more committed to their careers and were confident about their advancement.
With all of these amazing outcomes, who wouldn't want a mentor?!
I don’t know about you, but it was SO much easier for me to find a traditional mentor earlier on in my career. It was even easier in my college days. This is because the university I attended had numerous mentoring programs available to students, as is the case with many other colleges and universities.
However, upon graduation, those formal mentoring programs can be hard to find. The higher up you move in your career, finding a traditional mentor can be challenging. You’d have to go out and seek mentorship on your own.
That sounds great in theory, but for a lot of people, they struggle getting the nerve to ask someone to be their mentor. Let’s be honest here for a second; how many people have you approached and asked:
“Will you be my mentor?”
I know I haven’t… well, except for that one time when it was required for one of my doctoral courses. In general, it can feel awkward or uncomfortable asking an acquaintance, or even someone you know, to be a mentor. What if they say no, how will you feel? That's a big reason why people are hesitant to make the request.
When I was paired via formal mentoring programs (as the mentor or mentee), things started off great in the beginning, but then eventually fizzled out before the agreed upon term ended. This was either because the structures were too rigid (so the relationship felt forced), the roles were unclear, or the matches weren't a good fit.
I have been part of enough of these programs to know that many of their models are not sustainable, in my own honest opinion.
#SorryNotSorry
Also, in REAL LIFE, we know that people are busy. Yes, they are too busy to spend an extended amount of time—for free—helping you reach your career dreams. It doesn’t matter how much they want to see you win. Even when the mentor is available, sometimes it’s the mentee who disappears.
They stop reaching out because the relationship is not a good fit, they are also busy, or because they don’t want to come off as needy.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, I hate to break it to you...
The perfect mentor does not exist.
I would say that it is extremely rare that one single person can embody ALL of the things that you need in order to advance in your career. Even if you were lucky to find that special unicorn, it would be really difficult to convince that person to support you in all the ways that you need them to.
That’s a lot of pressure and commitment!
There’s good news!
There are alternatives to attaining the aforementioned benefits without having to find the “perfect mentor”! Here are some questions to ask yourself before you start looking:
Why are you seeking the support of a mentor?
What are your immediate career goals?
What are your long-term career goals?
How might a mentor assist you in reaching these goals?
What type of support do you need?
Are you seeking to learn industry-specific information?
Do you need a sounding board?
Do you need help with goal setting and accountability?
Advice for growing your career?
Something else?
How often do you think you’ll need this level of support?
Once you have answered these questions, you can now go out there and find the right people who can help you attain your career goals. But here’s the thing; you have to be open-minded and be willing to consider the alternatives to traditional mentorship.
There are other people in your life who can be of support to you during your career journey. These could be your colleagues, peers, people you’ve added to your network and more. In fact, there may already be a few people in your life who are currently fulfilling the role of mentor for you. They just don't walk around saying they’re your mentor.
Who needs titles anyway?!
The 6 Clever Alternatives to Finding the “Perfect Mentor”
Traditional mentorship is a very important part of growing your career, but it’s not the only type of support that can help you move forward. Once you change your mindset about “finding the perfect mentor”, you will no longer feel that the absence of one is what's holding you back from taking your career to the next level.
Are you willing to try a different type support? Download my free guide for some ideas!
